Illumination - The Eleven

Many people today are finding themselves thinking about the event of eight years ago and yet what I am most reminded of today is something that happened more then eight years ago, eight years and three days ago in fact.

On 09-08-2001, I was traveling by train from Washington, DC to New York City. I had never taken a train into NY from the south before and at one point noticed that the only buildings I could see were the World Trade Center towers. I grew up about 60 miles from New Your City in a suburb called Danbury just over the state line into Connecticut. All of our local TV was NYC stations and so the towers were a constant icon of my youth. As I sat on that train, I looked out at the towers with awe and nostalgia.

A short time after that I arrived at Penn station, boarded a subway train, and then later ascended to street level. I walked out of the subway and headed north dragging my roller-board behind me. Suddenly, an energy caught hold of me. It was as if some person placed a hand on each shoulder and tugged. So I turned toward the south and uttered, out loud, “What?”

What I saw in the distance were two nearly glowing towers staring back at me. I knew it was the World Trade Center that sought my attention and I knew they were talking to me. Yes, buildings have consciousness. Cities too. Everything does. It is the consciousness of things that keeps the atoms together. And we feel them all of the time. When you say, “I love NY,” and really feel it, that’s who you love!

So I looked at the companions of my youth and asked them, again out loud, after all, who in NY is going to think I’m weird, “What are you trying to tell me?” And then I listened. I felt their energy, but could not hear their words. My query went unanswered that day.

Yet, suffice it to say, three days later, I knew. I could make out the words even. I was able to translate the telepathic communication. “Take a good look at us, my friend, because you will never see us in person again.” Intuitively I did as I was told, yet unknowingly.

Now, despite my relationship with Wall Street (via my work) and New York (via my childhood and family), I, to this day, do not believe I knew a single person that died on 09-11-2001. And yet, on that day, and many times since, I have cried and cried at the very real loss of the two dear friends I did lose. My childhood ended on that day, as did the childhood of a tremendous number of people, of any age.

It is now eight years later and my life is completely different than it was then. In fact, it has changed multiple times. There is at least one more major change in the works and I’m sure many little ones that will build up to it, but before I go there, I want to talk about numbers.

In the digital age, numbers catch our attention, readily. Even as I write this line, I find myself glancing at the digital time display on my computer as it says 9:33 am.

So, what do these numbers mean?

Well, I am not a numerologist per se, but in writing A Fool’s Journey, I learned a great deal about numerology, at least as related to the Tarot. So lets look at a few numbers.

09-11-2001 is a 9.11.3, which totals 5. (9+1+1+2+0+0+1 = 14, 1+4 = 5)

In the Tarot, fives are filled with challenge and strife. The 5 of Cups is about sorrow, the 5 of Swords fear, the 5 of Pentacles financial hardship and infirmity. Even the 5 of Wands, the most optimistic of the fives, is still about challenge, albeit challenge that is explicitly chosen.

09-11-2001 was most certainly a five, in fact it was all of the fives of the Tarot at the same time. At the highest level of consciousness and truth, it was even a 5 of wands. Yet five was just the sum total number. The pieces were 9, 11, and 3. Nine is about completion, eleven is illumination, and three creation.

Now you might have noticed that I didn’t reduce 11 to 2. That is because 11 is a master number (a double digit). Master numbers can be thought to represent a higher evolution of the number they reduce to. Two means direction, the connection or path between two points. At eleven, the lights along the road get turned on and that which was hidden or hard to see becomes clear and apparent.

To me, 09-11-2001 was the physical manifestation of what was already in existence. It was an event that showed the whole world what was really happening, but previously out of common view. Through a completion or ending (9), the path ahead was illuminated (11) which in and of itself presented an opportunity to create (3) something different. I don’t think anyone will deny that life is very different post 09-11-2001 than it was before.

So now, let’s bring our attention back to the present or at least the very recent past. This week, we passed through 09-09-09. Now many refer to this as the 9.9.9, but to me, this isn’t exactly true. 2009 is an 11, not a 9. Nonetheless, 09-09-09 catches our attention and for this reason, it is significant.

And today is 09-11-09, which is a 9.11.11 totaling 4. As a four, we are stable, even if just for a moment. There are still endings to be had (9), and plenty to be illuminated (11.11), but for the moment, nothing will likely happen (4). No apparent movement forward. Four represents a resting place in between the linear growth of the 1..2..3 and the difficult shift of the 5.

Now, a date I am personally looking forward to is 11-11-2009, which is 11.11.11 and thus 6. Will something happen on that day to finally shed light on some of what we still don’t know? If it does, it should represent solution and progress (6). Who knows? I’ll be on the look out then and in the mean time.

And, you might find this interesting. Have you ever had a time period in your life when you seemed to catch 11:11 on the clock all of the time? For me, this comes and goes. Sometimes it is 11:11; sometimes I just seem to glance at the clock when it is 11, 22, 33, 44 or 55 minutes after the hour. When doing readings, this happens all of the time. However, for a good couple of weeks, I’ve been seeing 11:10 on the clock. “Funny,” I think to myself, “I keep missing 11:11 by one minute.”

You might laugh, but it was only a couple of minutes ago that I figured this out. I realized that my seeing 11:10 is probably because the 11.11.11 is coming and I feel it. It is the “eleventh hour” of the 11.11.11, you might say.

Many of you may have heard me talk about the Perfection of the Universe. Someday, you will see a book by that title with my name on it, I’m sure. Perfection is always present. What is right now, is the sum total of what has been. In that way, every five is chosen, is created and is perfect. Painful? Yes. Destined? No.

A client of mine once said, “Life right now is really hard, but as you say, it is what it is supposed to be.” But that is not what I am saying. 09-11-2001 was not what it was supposed to be, yet it was perfect. The sum total of humanity created 09-11-2001 and it was painful, but someday we’ll see what it brought that was beautiful. If you look, you can see plenty already. The love that poured out of everyone’s hearts the days and weeks that followed is an example.

As you remember whatever you remember today, I offer this: look for the phoenix. Look for that which rose from the ashes and soars higher today than before. Don’t deny what you feel. If there is pain left, there is pain. If there is sorrow, fear, or anger, acknowledge that, but look for the phoenix, because she is what will bring you the light, the illumination. This entire year is an 11, and it is not over yet.

“Do not fear or condemn the misuse of power; neither fear nor condemnation will save you from it.”

P. 312: XX – Judgment - A Fool’s Journey

I am so close, I can taste it!

As a reader of the Tarot, I often notice that for a while, a particular card will appear in reading after reading. What does this mean?

Well, it could mean that I am in the process of manifesting that situation, but it hasn’t arrived yet. It could be a habitual or perpetual emotional or mental state I am finding myself in these days. It could be that I need to learn something and I haven’t quite gotten it yet. Or, it could be an indication of the ‘psychic weather’ and thus be a dominant vibration for all to learn from.

Of course, it could be all of these things.

In any event, when I notice a card coming up frequently in a short period of time, I pay attention. I listen for more information and typically find myself understanding the card along with some aspect of my life more clearly than before.

So, what’s in the psychic weather these days?

The 5 of Pentacles.

In the traditional Rider-Waite version of this card, we see two impoverished souls standing out in the cold: homeless, hopeless, handicapped. This is the card of financial hardship, loss, infirmity.

But what if this card shows up and you are healthy and financially stable? What does it mean then?

A number of months ago I asked this question of a spiritual teacher of mine and she said,

"The five of pentacles can also be an indication of that feeling like when you're on the outside looking in."

Ah, this really resonated with me. So I sat this with this for a few months and let the new information hover in the back of my mind.

Then, last week, I was doing a reading for a woman and the 5 of pentacles showed up in her reading. I found myself describing it this way,

"It is like standing in front of a store window looking at everything you want just out of reach on the other side of the glass. You are saying to yourself, 'Everything I want is right here, but I can't have it.'"

We've all been there. It is when "it’s so close you can taste it". But what is that taste? Bittersweet? Or just plain sour? When what we want is something we've lived a lifetime without, it can be quite painful to witness it right in front of us but still out of reach. I have found myself thinking, "Why are you punishing me by showing me what I can't have and parading it right in front of my face?"

I have asked for this experience, but I want to have it myself, not just sit back and watch another having it. Yet I am entranced and cannot turn away from it.

This situation is what Abraham means when they talk about traveling from Phoenix to San Diego and turning around when in Yuma, the halfway point. When things start showing up this way, you are halfway! You are in Yuma en route to beautiful San Diego; you're just not there yet!

So, in that reading, after describing to the Querent how to think about that card, I heard guidance from spirit. Clear as a bell they said,

"Stop the mantra half way through. Keep saying to yourself, 'Everything I want is right here,' then stop."

That's it! That's the answer. Everything I want is right here! Yes, I don't yet have it, but so what! If I can create it, live and in person, right before my eyes, then I can create it for myself! The fact that I am witnessing this event and seeing another person having the experience I desire means that I am on the verge of manifesting it for myself. If my vibration were not close, I wouldn’t even see it!

So I am in Yuma and yeah, if you've been in Yuma, it is not exactly the prettiest place, but it is a lot closer to San Diego than Phoenix. No, the Pacific breezes are not yet apparent. No, I haven't yet traveled through the beautiful, rocky hills of Imperial County. But I am en route and if I maintain 65 miles per hour, I can make it there in 2 1/2 hours!

So, next time you see what you REALLY want and it is just out of reach, keep saying, 'What I want is right here,' then stop.

“Everything I want is right here!”

“Everything I want is right here!”

“Everything I want is so close I can taste it!”

“It’s only a matter of time...”

Actually, it is only a matter of vibration really. Feel the joy of the experience even though you are not the one having it just yet. Feel how good it will feel and that will push you right into the experience yourself, and in no time!

Fives are not meant to be experienced for a long time. They are meant to pull us out of a rut and place us on a new path – that’s all. Think of it like airport security, once you get past it, your new journey is ready to begin! And oh what places we will see!

Summer Session

Walking on a Dream by Empire of the Sun

Walking on a dream
How can I explain?
Talking to myself
Will I see again?

We are always running
For the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill
Searching for the thrill of it

On and on and on
We are calling out and out again
Never looking down
I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me

Is it real now?
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one

Thought I’d never see
The love you found in me
Now it’s changing all the time
Living in a rhythm
Where the minute’s working overtime

We are always running
For the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill
Searching for the thrill of it

On and on and on
We are calling out and out again
Never looking down
I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me

Is it real now?
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one

Is it real now?
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one

Catch me, I’m falling down
Catch me, I’m falling down

Don’t stop, just keep going on
I’m your shoulder, lean upon
So come on, deliver from inside
All we got is tonight
That is right ‘til first light

Is it real now?
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one

Is it real now?
When two people become one


Summer Session is just about over. Have you passed? Are you ready for fall courses?

Summer session was all about self-study. Spirit put us in a room and locked the door. In the corner of the room were two boxes. One held some of our greatest fears and the other a big ole manual.

Self-study can be the hardest kind. We are alone. Try as we might, no one comes to our beckon call. Some of us are sitting in that one chair, head down on the table banging our fists, “Why does it have to be this way? Why is it so hard? Haven’t I suffered enough?”

Meanwhile, the manual sits next to us on the table, unopened or unread.

Not all of us have been in self-study, but many of us have. Why? Because we signed up for fall courses (yet to come) and the self-study was a pre-requisite. “Fall courses? What’s this about fall courses?”

Well, are you sitting down? Don’t worry, it’s not that bad; no worse than the fall of 2008... maybe...

Don’t worry; some of you are going to meet your dreams and desires face-to-face this fall. Are you prepared? Maybe you should crack open that manual while it is still summer?

In case you’re still curious, self-study is all about meeting those parts of us we’ve hidden away for a while. Do you remember, for example, that part of you that makes you feel dump and vulnerable – like when you saw that boy or girl you really liked in 6th grade. Was it embarrassing when they laughed at you? Of course it was! It is not easy being naked in front of all of those peers, especially when you’re the only one.

So, why do we need this self-study for the next course? Well, for me, my dream can only be realized when all of me is present; “When two people become one” How can I be intimate with you if I am hiding a part of me in an iron safe?

I would wager that each one of us in self-study has a unique curriculum, a one-of-a-kind manual and a chair and table just a little different than everyone else. Some of the challenges may look the same, but what they are revealing?

So, what’s next is the fall. Fall, when traditional school starts up again; when we get reacquainted with our pals and when we are all in the same classroom again. “So, Johnny, what did you learn over the summer?” the teacher asks? “Oh, that’s very good Johnny; we are going to need someone around here who knows how to do that! This is a very important fall, Johnny. I’m glad you are here with us.”

This is just a hunch, but it feels like we are going to be working together a lot more this fall than we have been. That problem we needed to solve for ourselves? Well, I’m sure we’ll help a dozen others with something similar.

“Excuse me, teacher? My summer was not very fun. I spent a lot of time alone, scared and I cried a bunch too. I don’t see how that is any help to anyone”

“Well, Suzy, someone this fall is going to lose something that was very dear to them and they are not going to understand it. Do you think you can be with them when they cry? Would you be able to cry with them? Can you be a shoulder to cry on?”

“I’m still crying every day, so that’ll be easy!”

“Good. Then you’ll be the one picked to help the other when the time comes.”

I started this blog entry with the lyrics to a song that really touched me this weekend, Walking on a Dream by Empire of the Sun. I feel like a bookmark is being laid on the time line of my life. “Pay attention to this moment because this is the weekend when you walked through a doorway into the rest of your life”

There is something in the lyrics of that song that feel so profound. I’m gonna keep listening...

“Don’t stop, just keep going on
I’m your shoulder, lean upon

So come on, deliver from inside
All we got is tonight
That is right ‘til first light

Is it real now?
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one...”

Channeled reading for an Empath

[This is an actual channeled reading for a woman we'll call Elle.]

Elle:

I have been pretty much down, for some time now. Can't seem to shake it.

David:

Well, let's see what we can do about that. I am feeling like 'they' want to talk to you directly - so this is going to be more like a straight channeling from them. Is that okay?

Elle:

Sure. Exciting.

Channel:

It is exciting indeed.
David is filling with an energy of excitement as he allows more of us to come through for you. Of course the benefit is for both of you. It always works this way. One cannot be in service of another and not be in service of themselves.
First - we wish to allow you to 'unburden' some of what you have been experiencing. Vent is a term frequently used in your language. Tell us what has been troubling you. See if you can express the emotion with the words like you are sending it out - casting it out of you - setting these troublesome emotions free.

Elle:

First would be the nervousness of my husband being laid off and not receiving any job prospects. The frustration is overwhelming.

Channel:

His frustration and your nervousness, or are you also frustrated? See if you can separate what he feels from what you feel.

Elle:

Both of us frustrated and nervous. I know I feel what he feels so I get it double.

Channel:

Exactly!
For a few moments - while David types - see if you can continue to separate what he feels and what you feel. You should - sooner than later - find the differences.
You see - you are very empathic. Your relationship with you mother helped that gift grow strong within you. However, it does not feel like a gift - more like a curse - to many like you. Yet it is pretty much the highest gift one can receive - at least during the time when you received it.
We will explain shortly. For now, visualize what your husband feels and what you feel as two separate bodies of energy. Yes, they are close together. Yes, they even exchange electrons of emotion, yet they are separate. And what makes them separate is that you have control over yours but not his. It may not feel that way, but it is that way. When you perceive them as one, then you only feel lack of control.
So the first stage is to find the separation between them.
Now the real truth is that as you separate them, and learn better to guide your own, you will ultimately change it all. That is the power in the gift of empathy. You can more easily change what another feels because of your acute ability to feel it very much they way they do. But your focus must be on what YOU feel, not what THEY feel, even if it feels the same.
So, the empathy tool works like this: You are in the presence of another; you tune into them; you perceive what they perceive - feel what they feel; feel AS they feel.
In a sense, it is like you become them - see their world through their eyes. This, in a sense, makes a copy of their experience and places it in your own. If you think about this in the terms of the Akashic Records (or similarly as video recording), you make a copy of their experience and then have your own copy. Up to this point, you are extremely proficient.
Do you agree so far?

Elle:

Yes, I do.

Channel:

Okay - so here is what to do next: Now you have a copy of what another feels, and most commonly your husband because you are most close to him. So now you get to do whatever you wish with your copy. You have not been told this, so you have only thought that your role is to carry it.
You may have even been told to carry it like a cross (in your childhood). Yet, that is simply one choice and not a fortunate one. Now that you have created this copy - you can play with it, shift it, move it, send it into the earth, transform it, express it.
There are so many possibilities. But the first thing you might want to do with it is remember that it is not yours.
It is yours in as much as you created a copy for yourself, but it is not yours meaning that you did not create it from scratch. You did not manifest it and so there really is no reason for you to carry it. There wouldn't be anyway - even if you did manifest it, but many of you feel more responsibility for your own creations.
Allow an example:
Suppose someone at works makes a mistake, a costly mistake, and one that require much effort to undo, hours’ worth. The person who made the mistake will likely feel the most responsible for it. They will feel that they should be the one to pay for it
So you come along and being the light worker, the loving compassionate person that you are, you wish to help. You say to this friend, this loved one, "It's okay. You do not need to do this all by yourself. I'll help"
Now, ideally, you would always remember who you really are. You would always see your light and know you are helping and had chosen to do so. And you would thus be able to mend the error without ever feeling responsible for it. You would just feel the joy of helping another.
Yet, at this point, many of you Lightworkers haven't yet been able to hold on to sight [memory] of yourselves [who you really are]. When you get down into the nitty-gritty of energy work, you forget who you are and then are "stuck".
Okay - let's go back to the energy bubbles, his and yours. Can you visualize how yours is just a copy of his?

Elle:

Yes.

Channel:

Can you visualize his as three-dimensional and yours as just a two-dimensional video of his?
It is okay if you cannot.

Elle:

It is difficult because they are very similar.

Channel:

Some of these visualizations are being suggested and may not be consciously "doable" now, but the suggestion will plant a seed within you. Another is this: see if you can imagine his outside of you and yours inside of you.

Elle:

I can do that.

David:

It's me again. I have to come back for a minute.

Elle:

OK

David:

I don't have to so much as I did.
I think I am now empathically experiencing it and that has brought me back. I think they want me to play as you do - in it.
Oh, I just remembered something.

[I explained a situation a few years ago where I was dealing with outside energies.]

So I asked them what to do with it and they said, "Don’t worry about . Just clean up the energy. Do your energy work on it. Treat it like it is a person if you will, but just use your Reconnective Healing on it.”
They also said, when it is in the house, you can do literal house cleaning because that transmutes the energy as well

Elle:

What if your body is rebelling and you are physically and mentally exhausted [and] in physical pain[?] [A]ll I wish to do when I get home is to retreat inside myself.

David:

One sec - I am going to bring them back...

Channel:

The desire to retreat inside of oneself is one of self-preservation. It is one learned at an early age when too much has been absorbed. The physical pain is simply an indicator that too much has been absorbed. When the gift of the empath is given, it is never intended for the "copy" to be held on to.
Okay, when you feel that all you want to do is retreat, tell us what you do? Do you retreat?

Elle:

Sit, stare at the TV (not really watching), sometimes reading but not wanting any interruption.

Channel:

Does this bring any relief?

Elle:

Just takes up time until it is time to go to bed. But sleep is also not helpful because I am not getting much.

Channel:

Does your energy change upon entering your home after returning from work?

Elle:

Both places are extremely stressful right now. So I can't seem to escape from either of them.

Channel:

Okay - we have a suggestion for you. We are going to have David send you his book because there are specific parts to it that can be helpful to you. Now, you may want to read it like a story from start to finish, but you may want to use it in other ways. For example, each chapter is a tarot card - do you have a tarot deck?

Elle:

Several

Channel:

You can pick a card and then read that chapter. Or, you can seek out the channeled sections and read those. Most of them are towards the back and the energy within those messages can help.
One exercise that would be helpful is to spend an intentful few minutes between work and home. In your car with the AC running, feel the breeze blowing on your face and for a moment, ask that all that attached [to you] at work be left at work. Ask for as much light to enter to help you transform home [stuff]. This is the on-the-way-home exercise. On the way to work, do the same in reverse. Begin to separate the home stress and the work stress. When you have the book, which you might want to keep in the car, you can read a section that you most enjoy in between work and home, home and work.
So - two things to focus on - two exercises of separation - separating what you feel from what your husband feels and separating work energies from home energies. See, part of what is most troublesome is that you are carrying both at once. Even if you are not yet able to let either go, you don't need to carry both together. So the first step is to put one down while carrying the other. Until it becomes natural, it will take an intentful few minutes in between. You can visualize it as a backpack. When you are done with work, specifically take off your work backpack.

David:

[Don’t visualize putting the other one on though! ]

Channel:

Let's return to how you are feeling right now.

Elle:

Better able to breathe at the moment. Have a little better understanding of a path forward.

Channel:

Okay - we now want to talk about you. We've talked a lot about your gift of empathy, which is a very challenging gift to wield. We now want to talk about you - or more significantly, your feelings about you.
How are you feeling about yourself right now?

Elle:

Scared. Threatened.

Channel:

That sounds more like how you feel about life maybe. Is that true? What is the source of those feelings? Can you find them? What specifically feels threatening?

Elle:

Somewhat. I am scared of what is going to happen after the surgery in August, emotionally and physically. I guess the threatened [feeling] would still be from my job. I carry a lack of confidence there and well as energetically for myself.

Channel:

Let's focus for a moment on this feeling of being threatened. Can you find a specific source of it? See if you can find what specifically feels threatening - a person perhaps?

Elle:

Work is expecting too high a volume from me and not listening to me when I say I will need help. I have a great fear of failure to them and to myself. I do not understand their intention of what they are pushing on me.

Channel:

So, if you had to attribute the threat to a being of some kind, it would the company as a whole?

Elle:

The company is too large to relate directly to me so I would say the layers of management directly related - 2 - 3 people.

Channel:

Okay - one moment.
Consciousness exists at many levels all at once. So a company has consciousness, a country, a government, a department, a group of any sort. Humans recognize this on a subconscious level and refer to these aggregate consciousness beings as simply 'they'.
This is appropriate, we are just explaining.
So right now, it is accurate to say that you feel threatened, to some degree, by 'they' where 'they' could be a collection of individuals.
Now, each of these aggregate consciousness beings have a higher self just like individuals. And you can communicate with that higher self through your own. That higher self, being a higher self, wishes nothing but love to all.
So an exercise for dealing with a feeling of threat from the outside is to ask your higher self to interact with the higher self of the source of that threat. The reality is that no outside anything can bring to you any harm that you do not allow. The exercise is merely to see this 'they' as having a higher guidance system, to see it/they differently.
Do you understand?

Elle:

Yes.

Channel:

Good
When an individual is doing something hurtful to us, even in our pain, we can reach to see them as a good person doing bad things due to either their pain or a lack of understanding.
Groups are the same. This group is acting out of fear. They fear - collectively – the end of their own existence and are thus giving that fear to others by demanding more from them.
You see, with group consciousness, when the group ceases, the lower consciousness ceases in a similar way to a person dying, and this group does not want to "die".
So, in viewing it in this way, you can see its fear, and thus have understanding. You can also ask (in this higher way) for its support. It cannot live without you.
Okay - it is after 8:00, do you still have some time?

Elle:

About 10-15 minutes.

Channel:

Okay - first a summarization of this last point and then back to how you feel about yourself.
When you feel like someone or something outside of you can bring you harm, this exercise of seeing that person or that group or that thing as having a soul and a higher self is to help bring light into the situation.
When you stretch to see these higher aspects of them, you ALLOW the higher aspects of them to be evident to you, and thus you attract higher aspects of them to you, such as support, compassion, understanding, and even love.
So the exercise is just so that you then call forth from them - attract from them - the aspects you wish to experience. It is YOUR power that attracts - it is your vibration - it is your calling. They do not have power over you no matter how much it looks that way. But it is easier to use your compassion to see their light than your power - at least right now. As you move through this, you will then be able to activate your power directly.
Does this make sense?

Elle:

Yes, it does.

Channel:

Excellent. Do you see yourself as compassionate?

Elle:

Very much so.

Channel:

Is that a characteristic that you appreciate in others?

Elle:

Absolutely.

Channel:

When someone is compassionate towards you, does that make you feel better?

Elle:

Yes.

Channel:

So does seeing yourself as compassionate allow you to see yourself as someone to appreciate?

Elle:

Yes.

Channel:

Your compassion towards others is a huge gift and a powerful one. When you can see others (individuals or groups) as beings to have compassion for as they struggle with their own fears, then that place you put yourself into helps everyone. Your compassion for them helps you connect to your own source of light and helps you see yourself in that light.
Tell us what you think and/or feel right now about anything.

Elle:

I am actually feeling more empowered and more confident. For that I must thank you. I have a better way of looking at things and that will help me move through the situation.
I hope this is not disrespectful. But may I ask the name or names of whom I have been talking to?

Channel:

Our names? Names challenge David for sure, but we shall help him.
For one, the members of Abraham are here. There are others here as well. Your personal guides are here. Samuel is one of them. There are others here that are ancestors - specifically maternal.

David:

Is there a Gertrude in your lineage?

Elle:

My stepfather’s mother went by Gertrude sometimes, but her name was Gerarda. She went by Sally too.

Channel:

Okay - before we close we wish one more comment.
You know that David love you, yes?

Elle:

Absolutely, as I do him.

Channel:

Do you know WHY he loves you?

Elle:

I guess not.

Channel:

He sees who you really are! He sees how lovable you are! He sees how much you deserve to be loved!
He loves loving people in this way. He does not see who everyone really is, but you have let him see you and that is why he loves you so.
This experience is not in any way limited between you.
You, in that moment in San Diego, let him see who you really are and that is all it took. As you let others see who you really are, others will see you and shine their love on you also, and will love loving you.
If you ever feel like a burden, cast that thought away because know that David loves being here for you and others like you because it helps him love himself. So go to him when you need, when you desire, and know that you are giving as much back always.
Allow the reflection of love between you to build both of you up simultaneously.
We brought you together for a reason back in San Diego.
We are going to close now. Thank you for letting us shower you with our love and do call on us frequently.

Elle:

Thank you all and David for your guidance, support and love.

A Chat about Money – In the Records

Tell us what you want.

I want to start making money again.

Why do you want to make money again? Do you not have enough money now?

Well, I do have enough money now, and I am thankful for that. It just has been a long time since I've made money, enough money, significant money, and my savings is dwindling.

You have said a lot there. Let’s start with the idea that you have not made ‘enough’ money in a while. What does that mean to you?

Well, I guess enough money would be equal to the amount of money I am spending. I should say it has been a while since I’ve made as much money in a year as I've spent in a year.

OK, that feels better to us because you are now being clear. You have enough money, and you know that you do, so really zero income is ‘enough’ income – at least right now. It is important for you to keep in the forefront of your mind that you have enough and you want more. You do not need to justify your request for earnings by saying (or thinking) that you need to cover your expenditures. You ARE covering your expenditures and have never experienced the inability to do so. Yes, even during that period in 1991, you still covered your expenditures with your credit. In the universe, there is no credit or debit concept. All is created and merely accepted (received) or not.

We now want to go back to your first statement. You used the phrase “making money”. You “want to start making money”. Explain that desire in more detail.

I want to start making money. I want to start receiving income for my work. Oh, I see what you are getting at. Yes, I am asking to receive money in exchange for something. Yeah, I’m still stuck on the transaction concept.

First, allow us to tell you that you are not ‘stuck’ on the transaction concept. For that matter, neither is your society. You are all simply moving through that experience until you decide on another. We feel this is a significant subject to broach here, partly because you are wanting to move past it and partly because it will be valuable to others reading this.

Most of your western world operates within a transaction-based system. This is primarily a monetary (money-based) system as well, yet even barter is transaction-based. And yes, even your sexual and emotional relationships are more transaction-based than most are aware. A transaction is simply an exchange, but one that is made intentionally. In other words, something is given in exchange for something received. Monetary transactions are straightforward. One gives money and gets services and/or items in exchange.

Now, some might think that we wouldn’t have an opinion about a transaction-based system, but we do. We don’t have a judgment about it, but we have an opinion. Yet our opinion doesn’t matter. Your opinion matters. In fact, take that sentence literally. Your opinion about a transaction-base system matters – creates matter – and thus affects your experience. Allow us to guide your attention to your own opinions about your transaction-based system.

How often do you feel as if something costs too much? How often have you felt cheated for paying a particular amount for something? How often are you trying to get more and pay less for goods and services? How often are you (specifically you, David) not getting paid enough (or even anything) for what you do?

A transaction-based way of life has issues for sure. Every dollar means something different to each of you AND the value of money changes all of the time. For example, how much easier or harder is it for you to spend $1,000 today as compared to when you had an abundance of income?

So, one issue with a transaction-based system is that it is not fair or equitable. The exchange is never exact. Three people can go into a store and buy identical items for the same cost, yet each is getting and given different value in the exchange. Your $10 might cost you more than another’s $10 costs them. And the item purchased might mean more to another than it does to you.

Yet this is not what we most dislike about a transaction-based system. What we dislike about it is that it allows you all to believe that you didn’t create the whole thing to begin with. When you buy a book for $25, you created the book, the $25, the bookstore, the time with the cashier, and even the weather on the way to and from the bookstore. You believe that all you have to do is create the $25 and then that gives you the ability to buy the book you desire, but that is not at all how it works.

A monetary system allows you to believe you have power when you have money, but it also allows you to believe that you have power ONLY when you have money. You are constantly measuring value based on currency rather than experience. “Is that book really worth $25 to me?” you ask before buying it. Look how long, David, you have talked yourself out of buying this and that by feigning, “I don’t NEED it right now.” So, tell us, what do you want?

OK. I am going to write what comes to mind, but I am going to correct myself until it feels accurate.

Good. You do that!

I want to feel valued. I want my services to feel valued. I want my services to feel valuable. I want my services to be valued by others because this helps me feel valued. Ideally, I want to feel valued no matter what others do or think or say.

We’re going to jump in here and prod you for a moment. What is with this ‘ideally’ descriptor? We asked you what you want. Do you want anything that is not ideal for you? Don’t edit your words about what your wants are. You want what you want, simply. Everything you want is your ideal, and it changes all of the time. Speak your truth!

OK, OK. I want to be valued AND I want people to value me. I want my work to be valuable AND I want to be paid for it. I want my work to be meaningful. I want it to be meaningful to me, primarily, AND I want it to be meaningful to others.

Good. Better, a little. We know that we don’t need to remind you that you are still looking for validation. You still want to see value in what you do through others’ eyes. That is perfectly fine because that is where you are and you know it. We also know you can do better so give it one more go.

I want to love everything I do and do only what I love. And I want to feel good about everything I do, all of the time, no exceptions.

Now THAT was powerful. Go ahead, feel it. Let the tears come. You have just uncovered one of your most true desires. You know that you choose to do a whole host of things you do not love. Sometimes you do things you do not love in the hopes of gaining love down the road. And often, you don’t feel good about what you have done (in the recent and distant past) and then feel even worse about it as time goes on. THAT is the source of your pain. It has nothing to do with money and money will not solve that.

If you got paid for everything that you did this year, you would likely feel better about it, but you wouldn’t love it more. You might feel better about the idea of treating yourself with more purchases, but you would not have satisfied this inner most desire. In fact, many people do things they don’t love simply because they are being paid for it.

You, our dear boy, feel obligated to do things even when you’re not paid for it. Some around you don’t understand that in you. Why would you work so hard for seemingly nothing, or at least nothing guaranteed? Yet, we do want to commend you on this. Some part of you knows that money is not your issue. You allow it to be an excuse at times, but not always.

You are mostly doing what you want to do, or at least what you feel you need to do in and of itself. You are doing less of one thing in order to get something else and you are spending more time doing something simply because it feels good (or at least better than the alternative). You are even spending more time NOT doing things simply because the idea of doing them doesn’t feel good to you. So you are moving in the right direction and are thus not ‘stuck’.

However, you are now ‘struggling’ simply because you have stretched to a perceived limit. You say, I don’t want to work for free any longer, but a part of you knows that getting paid will not solve what you are really feeling. It is kind of tough raising the bar for yourself all of the time, isn’t it?

Yes! Why did I sign up for this?

[crickets]

OK, sorry. I just went to a place where you are not. It got really quiet for a second. If I really take money out of the equation, I start to challenge myself even more. Instead of claiming I can’t do this or that because I don’t have the money to do it, or I don’t know how to make money doing it, I am left with just, "What do I want to do?"

Welcome to the other side of a perceived limit. Forget about money and tell us what you want to do.

Where do I start?

How about with your book?

OK. I want to talk about the book. I want to feel excited about the book and share that excitement with others. I want to talk about all of the wonderful things you all have given me as part of the book, the tidbits of wisdom and the parts that I like to read over and over again.

Good start. How about with the software work?

[deep sign] I had to take a deep breath before that one. Let me start by saying this, I love to write code specifically when I am creating something new. I love taking a starting concept that interests me and creating from it, then experiencing all of the small successes as each piece I create works demonstrably. So, one part of what I want from the software work is more of that.

Again, good start. Go on.

I also want to feel connected to the purpose of the software. I want to create software that serves people on multiple levels.

Does Minggl serve people on multiple levels?

Yes.

So, what then is the issue? You are still hesitant in your energy.

I feel fear. I feel torn. I fear being pulled too far back into software. I fear committing myself to this. I fear re-creating what didn’t work for me before, with Advent.

Ah, you have opened the door to a key issue. You have created a job with Minggl that is everything you asked for, at least some of the time. Yet, as you see the potential to create some of what you don’t desire, you feel like you want to do something different. You feel like you want to start over.

YES, that is exactly it. I feel like the only way to create what I want when things feel a little off, is to start over.

Yet where you start is so unimportant.

Yes, I have been playing Abraham’s words over in my mind when they say that it doesn’t matter where we put our boat in, that the stream will take us to where we want to go, and that all we can do is go willingly or get our butts kicked along the way.

You are hovering around another key issue, but you haven’t quite gotten to it yet.

Yeah, I almost felt it.

You DID feel it and it was specifically when you wrote about getting your "butt kicked”.

Yeah. I feel like every time I find something (or someone) I love, I then get my butt kicked.

We know.

And I, of course, have experienced that more times than I care to admit.

Are you ready to stop creating that?

YES.

OK, we just wanted to be sure that you really did want to stop creating that.

I DO. I DO.

This is important. You need to stop beating yourself up over what you have done that you don’t love. We’re not just talking about your past, but every day. Every day you do something you don’t feel good about, let it go. And every day you don’t do something you feel you should have done, let it go. You are kicking your butt every day and then having the experience of getting kicked. And your unfortunate belief has you getting kicked right after having an experience you especially enjoyed, so you search for a feeling of love, feel love, and then get kicked, repeatedly.

Yeah. Problem number one might be obligation, but problem number two is guilt.

More accurate would be to say that problem number one is believing that there is a problem and problem number two is experiencing that belief over and over again.

You guys are amazing.

Thank you. Yes we are and oh the joy of experiencing that through you.

And thank you for this experience. It has helped a lot.

Go now, carry on with your day and be easy with yourself. You have opened the door to a lot of things that you desire and this is just beginning. Do what feels good and feel good as often as you can for no reason at all!

Thanks. And thanks for being here with me.

Always and all ways.

The One and The Two

[This is very unusual - 2 posts in 1 day - but then again given the subject of this post - I guess it is perfection at work!]

After completing the story of A Fool’s Journey, I decided I wanted to write an appendix for the book, which would contain short descriptions of all of the cards of the Tarot. I was also guided to write about numerology as it related to the Tarot and the story. [For those that have read the book, you know what I am speaking of.]

Within the appendix, there is this section on numerology:

ZERO VERSUS ONE AND TWO – THE CREATION OF DUALITY
In many ways, Zero exists outside of numerology. That is because you can never arrive at zero from any other number. Zero represents the absolute where nothing is separate, no beginning and no end. Once you move to the One, you must also create the Two because in having an observer, you have the observed. The One and the Two represent duality, the relative realm as opposed to the absolute.

In actuality, all numbers, words, symbols, signs, religions, and philosophies are dualistic (rather than absolute) because they represent pieces and parts of the whole. The absolute is beyond description, really.

Yet, symbols are valuable in helping us to understand our place since we are finding ourselves immersed in duality quite regularly. So let me attempt to recreate some divine guidance that came out of the Akashic Records this week.

I was doing a reading for a dear friend. Before opening the records, I felt that they were going to use the symbols 1 and 2, partly because these numbers kept popping up on my trip and a part of me was curious about them.

So the Record Keepers spoke of manifestation and indeed used the symbols of 1 and 2. Now, in thinking back on the reading, one could say that any manifestation that occurs is like the moving from the 1 to the 2. For example, 1 represents the individual, each of us. 2 represents something outside of ourselves, a person, experience, or thing that we desire. The manifestation journey is the path from the 1 to the 2.

[By the way, I have to share with you that triple digits are very active in my awareness as I type word 333 at 2:22 pm!]

Okay, so here we are a lonely 1 contemplating a 2 that we so deeply desire. Maybe that 2 is another 1 that we wish to have a relationship with. Maybe that 2 is the idea of relationship and the other 1 is not here yet. Maybe that 2 is our body, a job, a house, a car, a feeling of wellbeing, ease or health. The point is, think of the 2 as anything that you desire that you think/feel/perceive is not yet here in your now experience.

So they then kept reminding me that in order to manifest the 2, you have to embrace the power of the 1. What does that mean? Well, if 2 also represents duality, then 1 represents unity. On some level (beyond our awareness) we exist outside of time and space and are forever united with Source and thus connected to All That Is. That means that in some perspective, we already have what we desire, even in all of the colorful details that we can imagine.

Yet, as an individual 1, we sit here not feeling or seeing that specific aspect of All That Is that we desire. We don’t see our partner sitting before us. We don’t have the money. We can’t see our body the way we want it to be. We don’t feel what we want to feel.

But as long as we keep looking at the 2 with eyes that tell us that it is apart from us, we will not be able to get to it. We can’t say to another that they hold our happiness, and then find our happiness. We can’t believe something is lost and find it. We can’t feel powerless and find our power. So how do we get out of this mess?

One message is to contemplate all of the various aspects of 1 until we find the one that is missing. Let’s say we (the 1) are in a relationship and are still sure that we can only be happy if our partner (the 2) changes in a particular way. Every aspect of our relationship and our partner is the 2 relative to us. Anything we wish to be different in our relationship or partner cannot happen through our will to change it/them because while we are focus solely on the 2, we are missing the 1.

What is it in us that makes us think we need something outside of ourselves to be complete, happy, or ecstatic? Think about the feeling of ecstasy. Is it not a feeling that bubbles up from within? Why then does anything outside of ourselves matter?

Replace ecstasy with any other feeling you can think of and answer that same question. Does it matter whether someone is there or not to feel love, loved, happy, joyous, strong, healthy, wealthy, etc.? When you are in love, are you not still in love when the object of your affection is absent from your sight? Being in love is exactly that, it is a state of being where you surround yourself with the energy of love. Nothing is happening. Nothing physical need be present.

Keep desiring all aspects of 2 that you want; that is why we are here. We ARE here to create and experience every nuance of 2 that we choose, yet we must forever return to the 1 in order to meet it.

And notice that every 2 contains 1. In fact, every number from 1 to infinity contains 1. You cannot escape 1 except through zero. Zero is the only number missing 1. The absolute is the only place where individuation is non-existent.

1 is not in the zero, yet zero is in everything.

Think about this: when you’ve reached your wits end and yell out to the universe, “I cannot live another second without this thing that I desire,” what do you think happens? Well, you live another second without that thing you desire. And that is the universe’s way of telling you that you are beyond all limitation. Every limit you place on yourself is just that, a limitation YOU place on your SELF. It is not real. You can claim to the universe as much as you like that you are powerless to go on one more moment without something, and you will defy your own limitation right then and there.

At the end of the reading, the Record Keepers said to me in complete clarity,

“We are not here to tell you your future. We are not the creators of your future.”

Wow – what a powerful statement. If only I create my own future, why on earth would I ever ask another (physical or non-physical) what it will be. No matter how much they see, I am the creator. They can see absolute doom lying right in the road ahead of me, but I have the power to step left, right or turn around right now.

So I ask you, what is in YOUR future? Are you going to settle for anything less than what you want? Draw up into yourself as much intention as you can muster. Feel your desire burn within you. Know YOU are the creator. Yes YOU are the creator. All of the absolute is expressing itself through your little body. You are a tiny little 1 in the middle of billions of others, yet all of the power of the absolute is streaming through every atom, every cell and for every fraction of time that you experience. Do you think that if you state with absolute certainty what would be that it wouldn’t be?

There is all the time in the world for you to find your power, but there is no reason to wait. Look at whatever challenge stands before you and laugh. Nothing outside of you is more powerful than you are, for you are the creator of it all. Go ahead, I dare you to tell the universe that you cannot live one more moment without a solution, and then watch, the universe will prove you wrong. You don’t need anything. You want it. Go ahead and create it. But just know that as long as you give the 2 more power than the 1, you will not succeed.

Go inside and rage with intention. Tell yourself how much you want what you want and stop letting anyone else’s thoughts about it come into your own mind. Send your power in – not out. If you push on your imagined walls, they grow stronger. Don’t push on them, walk right through them!

Be the 1!

Venus, Mars & Michael Jackson

Some number of years ago, I was reading a book or website on Astrology, specifically natal chart interpretation. The writer used Michael Jackson’s birth chart as an example. I don’t remember much of what I read except for one thing that has stuck with me ever since.

The Astrologer talked about Michael’s struggle with what might be called gender expression. Oh, this is good – I was just given that phrase – gender expression. My definition of gender expression is this – it is the way people express the male and female within themselves regardless of their actual gender or sexual orientation.

Gender expression is something that, for whatever reason, I seem to have a specific awareness of. When I look at a person, I see the male and female within them and I see how each is expressed. My guess is that everyone on the planet has a unique signature, a unique gender expression. And again, this is not at all about homosexuality or even sexuality, just expression. [Although I do think one’s sexual expression is indeed a place where they also exhibit their gender expression.]

Remember that book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? I never read the book, but it was the rage at the time. Dr. Gray likely touched on gender expression, but I would guess he only focused on men expressing their male side and women their female side. I see both expressed in men and woman and this is what interests me.

Now for the record, I am not an astrologer. I dabble for sure, but I am not even what I would call proficient. However, when I look at natal charts, there are times when I feel like I am seeing something significant. Sometimes it’s as if the chart is simply telling me something I have already observed in the person. Allow me an example...

More than a year ago, I met a man who I observed to have a very strong Mars and a very strong Venus. He was very male (looking), lean and muscular. He was outgoing and confident. I could even see (in a reading) his warrior past lives, numerous and very active within him. Yet at the same time, his strong Venus was also clearly evident to me. I could feel the Venus energy expressed through him, in a number of ways, and just as clearly as the Mars.

In looking at his chart some time later, I saw that there were a number of planets in Aries, ruled by Mars, and that his Venus was in Taurus, the sign it rules and where it is strongest. So, from this, I felt validated in my observation. Maybe the placement of Mars and Venus does have something to do with our gender expression.

Now some number of years ago in the early 2000s, there was an astrological aspect (the Harmonic Concordance) that, at the time, was said to indicate the beginning of an era when feminine and masculine energy would become equal here on Earth. For many, many years before, our planet was dominated by masculine energy and this was about to change.

Since then, it does seem to me that we are in fact moving towards more equality in expression. Men seem to be increasingly comfortable with their female side just as women are becoming more accepted for expressing their masculine side. For example, I see a seemingly increasing number of men connecting to their feminine side as they nurture their young children. And look at how many Hollywood movies have come out in the past 8 years that focused on a heroine of epic proportions – very powerful, yet still very feminine.

In fact, it is not a surprise to me that gay marriage is such a hot topic right now. The Sacred Marriage is the bringing together of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. Mundane marriage has always been viewed as the bringing together of one man and one woman. Yet if we have both within each of us, then the bringing together of male energy and female energy is not limited to a marriage between a man and a woman. Each pairing of two people brings both male and female together. In fact, since each partner has both (regardless of gender), then a coming together of two people is really two marriages at the same time!

And now, back to Michael Jackson. As you all surely know, Michael chose to leave this realm yesterday. Despite not feeling a specific emotion about it myself, I did find it interesting that he chose to leave Earth right as Mars and Venus begin to separate after a their most recent conjunction. Now, this shouldn't be that significant because surely Mars and Venus have come together and separated a number of times in his 50 years, but for some reason, it still strikes me as significant. I started to write about this to friends in an email, and since the information flowed so well, I decided to start over and put it here in my blog.

So Michael Jackson is a man who surely had some challenges dealing with his unique gender expression. Being so publicly observed probably didn’t help him, yet being publicly observed seemed very much a part of his purpose.

So, could the timing of his departure in and of itself be significant? Could this be a sign, an indication that the battle between Mars and Venus is shifting? It is funny because as I wrote that last sentence, it occurred to me that battle is of itself a Mars concept. A conjunction between Mars and Venus is a battle only when Mars is dominant. If Mars and Venus are joined as equals, what is it? A marriage perhaps?

I see Michael Jackson as one who very publicly exhibited the struggle of male/female expression within the individual as possibly experienced by many others. Maybe as his struggle comes to an end, it is a sign that THE struggle is soon (relatively speaking) to follow and on a large scale. Maybe it is time for the male and the female within us to stop fighting. Is one preventing the other from realizing its desires? Do we think that only one can be happy and in spite of the other?

For whatever it’s worth, and if so inclined, it might be a good time to look within ourselves to see the man and the woman, the boy and the girl, to see what each desires and how much freedom each feels right now.

I’m not sure the man and woman within me are very happy. I think they both want things they aren’t getting and are possibly blaming the other for. Maybe I need to go have a talk with them and see what we can work out... LOL
Let me know how it’s going inside of you, with your man and woman, and have a great weekend in the mean time!